"The pain of loss eventually becomes something you can crawl out from under and walk around with, like a brick in your pocket." Rabbit Hole

I'm waiting to see if I'll ever be as happy as I used to be. Before so an so died, or such and such moved away. Sometimes I close my eyes and remember sunny days before it all happened. I could get lost in that world, smiling and careless. Invincible, like nothing bad can ever happen, like destruction doesn't exist. Even the air has a different weight than before.  Now oxygen feels heavy in my chest, as it fills up my lungs. Everything was warm, and soothing. It feels dead to me. Touch is cold and repulsive. I do want to crawl out of this kind of pain.