This is really what it always comes down too. I get tired. I take my medicine. I should be asleep in 15 minutes....30 minutes go by and I find myself writhing in my bed trying to forget all that's going on around me. It's just what I do. I am comfortably used to it...the uncomfortableness of pain. I'm used to the tears. I'm used to it. At least that's what I tell myself a lot. You see, whenIi know I'm about to lose something, something so incredibly important to me, my fears take over me. It's like I'm Sampson and you are my hair, my strength, and Delilah, my life, has found me and come to take away more, yet again. More and More. I feel like life takes and takes. Right now, at 2:40 AM....I can definitely feel the effects of loss. Loss is just so blinding. When it happens it's like there's nothing else to look to, all you can see is that one thing that's about to blow you out of the water.
Right now I am waiting. I am waiting for the final moment. I am anticipating letters to be written....more tears to be shed...breath to be taken...and the death of a few good hopes. And every time I wonder why I let myself believe again. Every time I wonder how I learn to trust so fast and fall so hard. I really should learn to remember that life isn't kind. Then again...I should be sleeping instead of crying. Between the wire and the word there is no difference in words spoken and lies heard. There is no difference. So cry hard.
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