When a she becomes a that...

  'I was nothing but an object in his eyes. An object of pleasure. Not a real person, who lived and breathed, and bled. Just a tool, a thing....a this used for that. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. He wouldn't kiss my lips. It was all for him.I abandoned my heart , and left my body. I watched my ship go down in flames. And there he was, strong and demanding. Persuasive and convincing. Heaven forbid that I would do what I did. Heaven forbid I stop him. No. It's against the rules to stop him before he's finished. Heaven forbid I come to my senses, out of my self-induced coma.

 Stripped of my dignity I awaken. His words cut deep into my soul, leaving scars that will forever be engraved in my heart. "You're not ready. Just don't call me upset later. Let me show you the door." There goes my worth....given to an ungrateful man.'

   "The problem is that "that" is actually a "she". A person. A  woman. With a name, a history, with feelings. It seems harmless until you're that girl- and then it hurts. It's degrading. It's violating. it does something to a person's soul."~Rob Bell

A woman....is a divine image no matter how used, beaten, or broken she may be. A divine image loved and cherished by God Himself. Dignity is restored. You are priceless. 

“Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person.” -Tennessee Williams

I started this entry when I found out that a girl close to one of my family members had attempted suicide and been admitted to Greenleaf, a center for psychiatric and substance abuse treatment. I was thinking about how many people I've known that have either been in a rehab center, or a stress center, or been hospitalized for overdose and/or attempted suicide. It's a pretty significant number. A number far higher than I would really like.

I cannot figure out....how we miss this so much. We have so many answers, so many remedies, and yet we are still so ignorant towards the broken. It's almost as though it's a task to extend a little hope someone's way. Like it's to much effort to try and open someone's eyes to a life worth living. No offense but, what good are you to us if you are that conceited....or that busy....or that insignificant? There is a band called Atlantic that I have seen on tour multiple times, and on their tour bus they have the words, " We have the bread to feed the world, how dare we keep it to ourselves" inscribed around the entire thing.

We have so much knowledge, and so many resources. There's no way that everyone in this girl's life can say, "I didn't see any signs at all". I refuse to believe that. The problem is not the fact that she attempted suicide, it's the fact that no one tried to help her.

World Health Organization recently put out a statistic approximately 1 million people a year, will die from suicide. What are we doing here?

Unspoken

Things we should be told when we are young;


You can't run from anything, so consider that before all decisions.
People will always leave when you need them the most, you have to learn to turn pain into progression.
Boundaries can ruin a person.
Boundaries can save a person.
The way you decide to perceive the outcome of a situation can decide the outcome of a situation.

Snapshot: Staring into the face of love

"And the lies, they aim to name us. They whisper on repeat. They know our dreams, they know our fears. The stolen things, they steal us. Steal us from our families, steal our days." ~Jamie Tworkowsi




 Slut. No good whore. Druggie, Drunk. Used, torn, lifeless. Valuable. Fake, loser. Quitter. Disgusting. Low, useless, hypocrite. Touched. Dirty. Absolutely Worthless. 

 
   We let our pasts define us, even when we've claimed to have let it go. Instead of pursuing our identity as claimed and chosen, we let snapshots of the things of old tell us who we are. See, the thing is, a snapshot does not determine your value. It is what you did.....but it is not who you are, if you are in Christ. A lot of times, as humans, we think once we slip up the game is over. There are no second chances. I'm just now starting to realize that a lot of people have never been told....that's not how it works. We all slip up. And by nature we accept the names given to us, and we grasp the lies heard in our head better than anything else we've ever heard. They tell us it's not worth it, trying to live a good life, worthy of living. And we believe it, we believe the lies. We were not made to be perfect beings alone, but through Christ. And facing the lies doesn't go away when you give your past to Him. In fact, most people would say it gets harder. The difference is, you're not alone anymore....and every time you slip up or get tempted...you have the ability to say I am completely forgiven. I am chosen, and valuable. I am rooted in the face of Christ's unconditional love.

"A man, if you would even call him that, that God himself has turned His back upon."

I have no words to describe what I want to right now. Well, that's not true. I have three words...and a video. Identity. Lies. Truth.

 

What are you made of? Is you existence extraordinary? Or do you allow lies to define your worth.....

"A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages."

     There's no easy way to say it, not even an easy way to portray the feeling. It's like you live to breathe, going through all the motions like a numb, lame, vegetable. The feeling of sheer helplessness. The feeling of undeniable brokenness. Every move you make is judged, every breath you take is measured. Never mess up, never screw up. Never disappoint, and never consider your own happiness or worth. Life will be good, as long as you're good in the eyes of others.
 
   So how do I tell you....that you aren't a disappointment? How can I convince you of this one sure thing; You were never a disappointment. You care, so much about others. It's who you are. And besides the already priceless value you hold in my heart, that fact is worth so much to me and others.
Your heart, that carries so much caution and consideration for the hearts of other people is rare. To say the least. It hurts and bleeds when others cry out. There's nothing I can say to ease your worry, or your concern, or to convince you that the weight of the the world shouldn't be on your shoulders. You are loved, and valued. Nothing you could ever say or do will make you unworthy, or disappointing. Because your heart is gold. And your worth is far more than that.
love drug; everything starts where it ends
anberlin; the unwinding cable car
zach williams; fears
andberlin; fin
The more I seek you; zach neese