Uncomfortable

Today I cannot handle my own. My heart feels as though it's constantly on the verge of exploding from my chest in all it's gruesomeness. I can feel the extremity in my lungs. Logically, I know it's okay to feel this way. Physiologically, I am completely out of control. My body is screaming at me to do something destructive. My mind is screaming, you're one step away from "good". But that's just it.....I'm always just one step away. Never actually there. I feel like I'm on the edge, I'm always on the edge. The thing is...sometimes I don't know which direction is the right one....step off the edge? or run away..... I feel like I'm stuck in a perpetual state of anxiety, there's always something that needs to be done. It's easier to free-fall into the unknown, than to run into the uncomfortable. But what if.....what if there's something on the other side of the uncomfortable...on the other side of this wall holding me back from "good" and "okay".